Life will go on….eventually
While you will never stop missing your baby, the day will come when the good moments outnumber the bad. You will find yourself adjusting to your “new normal” and being able to find enjoyment in life again.
Take it Slow
Don’t expect too much of yourself. The process of healing after a pregnancy or infant loss is a slow one. Don’t become discouraged if you seem to be taking longer to adjust than you anticipated. There is no specific timeline that you should follow, and you will probably experience setbacks along the way. It’s OK to have bad days. It’s also OK to have good days. Allowing yourself to genuinely laugh or participate in a fun activity are not a betrayal to the memory of your baby.
Keep a Journal
Expression of feelings is an important part of coping with a loss and writing can be a very effective outlet. You might write letters or notes to your baby or poems that express your emotions. Journal-writing is a tool that can be helpful to you for years to come.
Communicate with your Partner
It is important to be open and honest about what you need from one another. One of you might need to vocalize your feelings about your baby, while the other is more withdrawn. Be patient with one another. You will grieve differently and understanding that from the start will help you avoid conflict down the road.
Start a New Tradition
There are many ways in which you can include your baby in current family traditions, or you may wish to start a new tradition to honor your baby. You might consider lighting a candle on important dates, planting a special tree or garden, or attending an annual memorial event. Including extended family and friends can remind them that, even many years later, you still miss your baby and consider him or her an important part of your family.
Seek Help from Others
Oftentimes, friends and family members don’t know how to help and are waiting for you to express a need. Don’t be afraid to ask for the support you need from them. Support groups can be a place where your feelings are validated and you connect with others who truly understand what you are experiencing. If you are having an especially difficult time, make an appointment with your doctor to discuss options for treatment.
by Therese A. Rando
by Sherokee Ilse and Tim Nelson
Life After Loss
by Bob Deits